Introverts unite!

I'm quiet. I used to be 'shy'. Now, I just talk less than most people around me. What I didn't realize until yesterday at work is, how coworkers have labeled my personality as 'reserved', just a bare 1/2 inch better than shy, I'm guessing. Long story short is, we got a new guy in the office that is quiet, so some comparisons to me were made, and it kindof shocked me, because I thought I was a pretty good participator...I rarely bother others, rarely initiate long diatribes on anything, but I respond when called on or when I have a common idea to share, and I occassionally throw out a story or 2, when I am feeling particularly jovial, maybe.

Anway, I thought I was becoming more outgoing as I aged...and indeed I have. But its that relativity thing, that comparison to 'the norm' that none of us are supposed to engage in, that's where I lose at the game of loose lips.

Dammit, I'm not an axe murderer with bodies massed in my closet (he's a quiet sort, keeps to himself; I'm not surprised he was the one killing our neighbors...), I just don't run my mouth like some of you do. Is there anything wrong with that? What if we all carried on like many of the blowhards I know at work...we would all turn batty as loons in no time, nobody would be able to think straight. It's us quiet types that keep the rest of the loud asses from going totally overboard...I guess they notice they are the only ones trying to convince all in ear shot of how smart/hard working/rich/clever/funny/whatever they are, and slowly decide "that guy isn't chiming in...I may be making an ass of myself. I'll breathe now and pick my chance to exit back to my cube...without giving up the social gains I think I just earned for myself so obnoxiously, of course".

So we are the pacesetters in the game of life. Be proud of your skills at holding back, reserving yourself, knowing better but not blurting it out, and be aware of how your silence adds a bit of serenity to the world, and think "yes, I'm doing my part to help mankind, making braggarts aware of there overbearing methods, helping the cronic funny man wonder if he's really funny after all, and teaching pro story tellers that silence can tell a story too".

-MZ

It's food:30

So I sometimes look at myself from the viewpoint of others...ever do that? I think to myself, do other people think my food portions are too large? I mean I don't know...do others eat the same way I do? Do people that see me look at my plate and pass judgement on the food and/or amount...have you done that ever?? I know the skinny me used to do it. That's why I cannot really blame people but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, you know? Fyi, I'm 44, 5'11", and about 270 lbs currently, and it shows. As I said, I consider the number of meals I eat, and wonder how excessive it is...already knowing the answer:

1. If I wake early like 2-3am, I'll often grab a small something from the fridge...can't help it, not awake enough.
2. Alarm goes off, I feel strong, so I have an egg or 2 (often egg beaters), cooked in pam, w/lowfat cheese, slice or 2 of smoked ham, and either a whole wheat bread item, or white, depending on mood. Then maybe a cottage cheese cup...that's pretty standard breakfast-ing for me. This is regardless of a 2am snack...that was a bonus.
3. At work I'll have a snack, usually "good", like fruit, or some nuts, maybe because...people are watching!
4. Lunch, I'll go out and have a foot long+baked chips (try to make it healthy...easy mayo, or no cheese), or I get a couple sandwiches of some type like a grilled club, plus a double cheeseburger, that 2nd is to make me feel like I had some 'real food', else I'll be hungry again in 10 min...grilled chicken ain't real food you know.
5. At around 3-4pm, I'll have a couple snack size candies from a skinny coworker's candy bowl that sits down the hall; prefer Butterfinger...by this time of the day, I don't care who's watching.
6. Go home, eat something "small" on the way home, then often, have another meal since the wife cooked (can't hurt her feelings), then later, a bit of the leftovers to get me through the night.
7. Then weekends...I try to do good, but I have so much time on my hands, and often there's "bad" foods everywhere, thanks to having kids and an accomodating wife, she says all they time, "its for the kids, they need something to eat!"

Can anyone relate to that? That list is a very regular thing, unless I'm on a diet, then I always believe that this is it -- I'll look fabulous by next week, or maybe the week after...I really believe that...then I say "no, no, it takes time..................", then in 2 weeks it's "pass me the honey butter biscuits, and I'll have another fried chicken thigh, screw that frigging diet!"

BTW, not looking for anyone to fix me with a diet plan...believe me, I have brains enough to know that eating less, eating healthier, and exercising, etc (many variations of such, but still all decent programs boil down to those 3 bullets) is the basic formula to fix any weight problem. I'm surrounded by diet suggestions in my family, my work, and even at the grocery store, so I'll pass on those, thanks. Knowledge ain't my problem, its the "me" that doesn't use that knowledge or doesn't want to. If you have similar experiences with food obsessions and overcame through some miracle or even tragedy... that I would be quite interested in. That's all for now...

-MZ

Hello World

Hi,

I'm so new to this blogging...I assume an opener is in order. First, my name ain't Mark Zoogy, that's called an 'alias'. With that out of the way, I want to explain why I created this blog and what it will typically contain...Btw I like to do ellipses too much. I overuse them at work in email...and constantly remove them for thinking it looks juvenile. Decision: here I'll be leaving them in.

Listed below are future blog topics...btw I love lists, and will use lists profusely in this blog:
1. I will talk about food and my "issues" with eating. For the curious, I'm 5'11", 270 lbs, and no, I don't hide it well.
2. I will talk about my hopeful belief that I have the ability to write interesting blog postings that peek some interest with some number of regular readers. Never had a writing class in my life.
3. I will talk about my funky, lovable family...er, sometimes not so lovable, to be honest. For the curious, I'm 44, caucasion, live in the United States in the South, I have a wife and daughter/son, ages 10 and 16. Oh, my daughter has a learning disability, some have used the term 'autism' to describe her. She's the sweetest girl you'll ever meet, most days. She is high functioning, but noticeably slow in social situations.
4. I will talk about work and the things that happen there that piss me right off. For the curious, I make more than $75K per year, but less than $100K, I have a bachelor's degree in a technical field, and work at a company with many thousands of employees. And my name ain't really Mark Zoogy...just a reminder.
5. I will likely expose my bias and carry on with right leaning political viewpoints.
6. I will sometimes hit on my struggle with discovering who I am and my purpose for being here, writing this, right now.

All for now.
-MZ