It's food:30

So I sometimes look at myself from the viewpoint of others...ever do that? I think to myself, do other people think my food portions are too large? I mean I don't know...do others eat the same way I do? Do people that see me look at my plate and pass judgement on the food and/or amount...have you done that ever?? I know the skinny me used to do it. That's why I cannot really blame people but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, you know? Fyi, I'm 44, 5'11", and about 270 lbs currently, and it shows. As I said, I consider the number of meals I eat, and wonder how excessive it is...already knowing the answer:

1. If I wake early like 2-3am, I'll often grab a small something from the fridge...can't help it, not awake enough.
2. Alarm goes off, I feel strong, so I have an egg or 2 (often egg beaters), cooked in pam, w/lowfat cheese, slice or 2 of smoked ham, and either a whole wheat bread item, or white, depending on mood. Then maybe a cottage cheese cup...that's pretty standard breakfast-ing for me. This is regardless of a 2am snack...that was a bonus.
3. At work I'll have a snack, usually "good", like fruit, or some nuts, maybe because...people are watching!
4. Lunch, I'll go out and have a foot long+baked chips (try to make it healthy...easy mayo, or no cheese), or I get a couple sandwiches of some type like a grilled club, plus a double cheeseburger, that 2nd is to make me feel like I had some 'real food', else I'll be hungry again in 10 min...grilled chicken ain't real food you know.
5. At around 3-4pm, I'll have a couple snack size candies from a skinny coworker's candy bowl that sits down the hall; prefer Butterfinger...by this time of the day, I don't care who's watching.
6. Go home, eat something "small" on the way home, then often, have another meal since the wife cooked (can't hurt her feelings), then later, a bit of the leftovers to get me through the night.
7. Then weekends...I try to do good, but I have so much time on my hands, and often there's "bad" foods everywhere, thanks to having kids and an accomodating wife, she says all they time, "its for the kids, they need something to eat!"

Can anyone relate to that? That list is a very regular thing, unless I'm on a diet, then I always believe that this is it -- I'll look fabulous by next week, or maybe the week after...I really believe that...then I say "no, no, it takes time..................", then in 2 weeks it's "pass me the honey butter biscuits, and I'll have another fried chicken thigh, screw that frigging diet!"

BTW, not looking for anyone to fix me with a diet plan...believe me, I have brains enough to know that eating less, eating healthier, and exercising, etc (many variations of such, but still all decent programs boil down to those 3 bullets) is the basic formula to fix any weight problem. I'm surrounded by diet suggestions in my family, my work, and even at the grocery store, so I'll pass on those, thanks. Knowledge ain't my problem, its the "me" that doesn't use that knowledge or doesn't want to. If you have similar experiences with food obsessions and overcame through some miracle or even tragedy... that I would be quite interested in. That's all for now...

-MZ